Want.

Hope deceives more men than cunning does.

~Vauvenargues

 

I want something I probably will not get.

Not because I don't deserve it.

Because for some reason,

When I want something so bad (this bad),

Circumstances always find a way to mess it up.

I've got no lucky stars to save me,

A lost cause.

I'm tired of being disappointed

All the mocking whys and hows

I'm tired of healing

The gaping hole always takes forever to mend.

Hope is a dirty word.

Even faith is a nasty accomplice.

Do you think,

If I try not to want it so much

Heaven or whatever will let me have it?

Because if it doesn't,

I think I die a little each time....

Wake Up And Smell The Coffee

“In the name of the best within you, do not sacrifice this world to those who are its worst. 

In the name of the values that keep you alive, do not let your vision of man be distorted by the ugly, the cowardly, the mindless in those who have never achieved his title. 

Do not lose your knowledge that man's proper estate is an upright posture, an intransigent mind and a step that travels unlimited roads. 

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. 

Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach.

Check your road and the nature of your battle. 

The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, 
It's yours.”

VAIN.VAIN.VAIN

TESL RETRO NIGHT 26/04/2010

My muse: Megan Fox:

**************************

Shine On

This is my life, summarized in one single illustration.

As of today, March 25 2010. 11.24 am, I have about a month and half left to my final semester :)

Time does fly.

Yesterday, March 24 2010, as the clock strikes 12, hello world, I'm a 23-year-old. It was a memorable birthday because it was also the day I turned in the first completed draft of my research paper (the thing that I've given my everything to, in fact it's the most important thing in my life right now) after weeks of dodging my supervisor. The only tragedy of the day is the fact that my parents actually forgot my birthday. It's okay, they will make it up to me..he he he.

I realized that people have started asking me "bila ko mau kawin?", especially at weddings. 

Me getting married is not happening anytime soon.

Hence the matchmaking attempts.

Someday, when I'm ready, on my own terms, I will.

Relax will you?

Since this is a belated birthday post, perhaps some reflection of the years gone by should be included. Well:

Despite the crazy workload,

Despite the non-existent social life,

Despite the nonboyfriendness,

Despite some shitty incidents,

I'm a better, stronger, hotter, and happier person that all of the past Jessicas combined.

Happy Birthday Jess ;)

You frickin' pwned life.

Just Because.

 

  

If you think Shakespeare is the master of wordy love, then you haven't read Elizabeth Barrett Browning :)

How Do I Love Thee - Elizabeth Barrett Browning 

    How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
    I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
    My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
    For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
    I love thee to the level of everyday's
    Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
    I love thee freely, as men might strive for Right;
    I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
    I love thee with the passion put to use
    In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
    I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
    With my lost saints,–I love thee with the breath,
    Smiles, tears, of all my life!–and, if God choose,
    I shall but love thee better after death.

*****

Beautiful and Honest.

The perfect vow :)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY people!

xoxo

Mall Porn

Lalalalalalalalala..it's been awhile! Finally I get to sit down and blog about this thing before my train of thought wander off again. The lack of updates is not due to the lack of happenings (trust me, plenty of stuff happened) it's just that my blogging muse went MIA for a while. I don't know about you, but if I can't tell a story right, I wouldn't even attempt to write it. Instead, I'll just hang back and wait until until the sensation of flowing words return. Wouldn't want you to read a crappy piece nor would I subject myself to the crime of taking 10 minutes of your precious time. God, I'm rambling! I've always been a talker. I mean, I'm pretty sure I talked a lot and laughed even more on daily basis. It wouldn't be too presumptuous to see myself as a ray of sunshine :)

Waittttttttttt, this is not entirely about me and my temperament. That's just..uh..warming up?

Go ahead and roll your eyes -_-

hihihihihihihi <-------(genuine laugh. Notice the absence of LOL) 

Jeez, I even type my laugh.

I'm crazy like that.

Anyway, I went shopping with my cousins yesterday. It was a Saturday = crowded malls = no parking = traffic jam. The usual. It's totally like NYC on weekends. So, we were on our way to Palm Square when I saw this girl. She was wearing a tight black leggings with a baby tee. A normal sight right? but the said tee is tight AND short = leaving her crotch area completely defined, outlined and...just..exposed...bulging. Don't get me wrong, I think leggings are heaven-sent because they work great with just about anything but DO COVER YOUR JUNK. No one wants/should see that. It's an awkward sight. 

Well, if I thought that was awkward, this next girl is even more horrifying. She was wearing a too tight WHITE leggings. First, VPL. You could practically see the outline of the whole panty, could even make out the ribbon on the panty BAND (she was in front of me on the escalator) Second, the appearance of the

cameltoe (google if you don't know what it means). Enough said. If that's not embarrassing, I don't know what is ~shivers~

Leggings can be amazing when you know what goes well with it. It can also go horribly wrong when you don't;

1. get the right size that fits you appropriately. People can certainly see if they are too tight on you.

2. make sure that your crotch is at least mostly covered. Long top, short dresses, skirts etc are a total go but always remember that short and very tight shirts are always a bad idea with leggings.

I've seen many looks that include leggings as part of the attire. Sexy, cute, comfortable, edgy, retro, hip, are pretty adequate adjectives to describe them. The sky is the limit. Flaunt it if you've got it.

Just remember to cover your junk.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Oh ya, I've got to post this DIY christmas card from BFF Dedz. She's awesome in all things new,old and borrowed. (Note to Dedz: I just got this a few days ago.The Inanam Post Office must have worked effingly slow during the hols. Love the card, esp the greeting..hehe)

see, I am, indeed,  a ray of sunshine. :D

Have a good week people!

Random Recollection

TEN years ago, when I was 13, I've had the world's HUGEST/BIGGEST/HUMONGOUS crush on this boy who always sat in front of me during Sunday Mass. He had this Freddie-Prinze Jr-look, you know, tall with twinkly eyes. I remember feeling breathless whenever our eyes met and that crazy thudding of my heart whenever he's in close proximity. I used to bombard my sister with questions like "so did he look at me today?" or "you think he noticed my new hair?" GAH! Perasaaaaaan betul. I don't think he was even aware of my existence, he always looked so pensive! and cute and wonderful. I didn't know his name so I named him Kuzer. In the year of 2000, my favorite code word was Kuzer. 

Kuzer itu, Kuzer ini. He was practically everywhere - my diary, notepad, doodles, the sky, the moon, the sun, my dreams - see, my crush was pretty hardcore.

On a beautiful Sunday morning in December 2000, I discovered his real name. 

Adrian Ambrews.

But I never saw him again after that Sunday.

Mimang teda jodoh! ~haha~
Wherever you are Adrian, God Bless You.
(n_n)/