All Hell Breaks Loose

22nd of July marked the first year anniversary of Jess, the working woman. In the span of three months that I went M.I.A, a mixture of things happened. I know I'm a changed person. I have entered the profession because of passion, because I wanted to be an educator. However, there were a number of times that I wished I was someplace else doing something different. The workload, time, money and amount of energy spent at school and on the students are overwhelming sometimes. Even passion comes second when the spirit is battered.

The good part? - the pay is just enough for a good living. Now that I've got Jack ;-

my financial management has changed drastically. And shopping falls to the 'least important' section. From here now on, the main question when out shopping is "Shoes OR Jeans OR Dress Or Make Up?". Sucks right? but yeah, that's what adulthood is all about - balancing debts, wants and needs while enjoying life and the drama that comes with it.

Huarghhh , even I feel bored typing this particular post. Complaints and all that noise is not going to improve things, but at least I know I have something going on in life that's worth getting up to every mpr. Well, two cents to those who are just starting in the working world, make sure your financial management is on the right track. You don't wanna work just to settle the debts, that's a sad sad life ya'll.

So I'm ending this post with R.I.P dedication to the late Amy Winehouse. Thank you for the music Amy, hope it's better for you up there.

Oh....

And also a promise to blog as often as possible. Pinky Promise.

Bye now! xoxoxo

The Frost Complex

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, I'm sorry I could not travel both"

One of my best friends once said to me "Everything  that has happened is an excuse for something else to happen". Do you believe that even the mere act of NOT taking out the trash at the usual time could cause a chain of reactions that leads to something bigger? One slip of the tongue, just one look at someone, maybe an accidental brush of the arm, or coincidently reaching for the same ketchup bottle on the rack. One thing lead to another and the next thing you know, you're at a tricky junction.

Where do I go from here?
Can I go back?
Is it too late?
Why?

There are people before us who have been there. They have grappled with the same fear, anxiety, unsureness Is this the right path?
Should I brave the unknown?
Some of them made it. Some of them didn't.
But the question is -
"Are you going to make it?"

I wish there is a Replay button at every tricky junction.
Or maybe a magic mirror that tells you which road to take.
No.
Perhaps what you are really asking for is not for God to turn back time or any of those Doraemon tricks.
You just want an Off button.
So that whichever road you choose to tread on,
it will be devoid of pain
OFF

Metamorphosis

Hello?..hellooooooooooo *echoes*

Wow look at the date! It's been awhile aye? Miss me? :)

I've been away for so long that I feel the need to update you, dear readers, on the recent happenings in my life. o Assuming that you do care, cuz yeah, I've been out of the radar for like MONTHS which translates to DECADES in blogspeak:)

Here We Go In One Breath:

IhavegraduatedIhavefulfilledmylifelongdreamtobeaneducatormetnewamazingpeopleismaybeinloveand still as crazy as ever. I used to look up to my aunts (they were in their early twenties then) and thought, damn! they are so mature, so sure of themselves, so serious about work and yada yada yada.

PHEWW!

And guess what? I'm turning 24 on the the 24th of March and I don't feel any different. Except that I have a clearer view of what I want in life. I still sucks in the budgeting department and I can't cook to save my life. Oh wait, there is another plus! I was looking through some old pictures this morning and it dawned on me that I finally got the thick hair that I've always wanted since I was 13 at the age of 23. My hair was so 'nipis' back then that it inspired my mum so much she named me "Besar Kepala" -_-'

I lived the first three months of 2011 purely on a leap of faith. There is drama once in a while. Sometimes it hurts and sometimes it mends. I think it's God's personal apology for making me go through such a lame teen hood so He creates so much drama for me this time around :P Joke Joke..hehe

Bah, enough for ice-breaking post, Should have done this in January. Punyalah ketinggalan ~sigh~

Have a good March people! 

P/s Pray For Japan. Pray for those who have lost their loved ones :(

Love always, Mrs Bert :)

I Remember

“It's surprising how much of memory is built around things unnoticed at the time”

I have a little space in my heart.

In it contains a lot of you.

As I walked on without turning back,

This tiny piece of memory will always be yours.

I will carry it with me..
forever :)

Sunset :)

Trampled On

Cultural Sensitivity.
Yeah right.
Some people, like you, you and you flaunt the words around to serve your prejudices.
As if I was born yesterday.
Aif I wasn't born HERE - Sabah. Negeri Di Bawah Bayu.
So don't even dare to imply that I haven't considered all (if any) possibility of offending any types cultural sensitivity. Unless they are yours, kan?

I don't understand why some people get worked up over a dance <gulp> <gasp>. Modern dance, for instance does not, in any way, encourages osculation, fornication or wankinism or wayward thoughts. People dance for fun - activities that are enjoyable or amusing.
Not everything screams the birds and the bees okay.
Loosen up a little, will you?

Professionalism.
Have the decency to inform me in advance before pulling the plug next time yeah?
Not after I've worked so hard (all that time and money) only for it be canceled in the eleventh hour.
Just because I'm a youngsinglenewt-----r doesn't mean I have no life nor does my forehead bears the initial L.

The hurt and embarrassment was too much.
But yeah,
Shit happens.
So tell me,
How do you initiate change,
when even baby steps get trampled on?

Hope

Hope is the Thing with Feathers - Emily Dickinson

"Hope" is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the words
And never stops at all,

And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.

I've heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest sea,
Yet never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me. 

 **

For a split second, I dared to hope. 

A brief, happy summary of what could be

But in the end, reality prevails.

You will always be the one who got away.

As I will be too.

The Way I Am

I have always stand alone.

Chasing dreams, painting stars.

I have always stand alone.

Cutting through the darkness,sewing on patches.

I have always stand alone.

And I like it.

Comfortable.

Safe.

Do you get it now?